redemption

I will start this entry with the tale of 3 women. Itago natin sa pangalang Aida, Lorna at Fe. And it revolves around a man named Ben. Aida, Lorna and Fe visit his pad to clean his house, wash his soiled briefs and cook his meals.

 

No, they’re not hired help. They are single, thirty-something college graduates (possibly MA holders, I can’t really tell). They teach women to wait on God.

 

Now, I’m just speculating on what’s on their minds as they do those things for that guy Ben, a hotshot from Boracay who speaks good English but looks like a an early predecessor of an unknown obscure tride in Timbuktu (eliminated by better genes over time, thanks to natural selection.)

 

He’s very… uhmmm…EXOTIC, for lack of a better term.

 

Now, Aida, Lorna and Fe awaits your text votes. Text STUPIDCONTEST space NAME of your favorite character and send your choice to a plane going to Boracay. A guide to help you are their pitches (naks, parang telemarketing lang noh):

 

Aida: I just killed ten cockroaches hiding in the cabinet. I sorted his outfits by color and in frequency of use, thanks to that talle I made of what he wears daily. I must be in the center of his heart.”

 

Lorna: “I have memorized all the best recipes in the cookbook and whipped up the best meals. I even bought this bottle of gayuma from Quiapo and placed it on his dessert. Maybe I am the apple of his eye.”

 

Fe: “I did all the dirty stuff: cleaning the CR and removing his pubic hair, which I preserved in a SCARPBOOK; killing all mosquitoes; warding the bad Feng Shui of his home and feeding his exotic pets (e.g. Tara the tarantula, Portia the python, Fara the ferret.)  at my life’s expense. I am the only one who can handle all this fear-factor-like stuff of his life. I must be the qualified winner among us three.”

 

DID THAT JUST DISGUST YOU? But that’s not the most disgusting thing I’ve heard. Because Aidas, Lornas and Fes perpetuate on an exponential scale. With the belief that the ration of women to men is 5:1 and that marketability decreases as women get older, desperate single women bottleneck as more and more birthday candles are blown away and their uterus is on the verge of signaling them that it’s approaching near-extinction and must therefore be used.

 

These 3 women have 100+ IQ’s. They may have their own homes, speak 6 languages, single-handedly support their parents and siblings. They collect Victoria’s Secret colognes, shoes that match their bags, tops that match their earrings and are up to date with the finest of things. They delegate a huge amount of money for spa sessions, pimple-eradicating facials and the latest in hair rebonding technology? Peeling, Vicky Belo and Dr. Calayan makeovers… NAME IT!

 

But they still participate in the rate race of winning a SCUMBAG’s heart, with their perfectly manicured nails and well-trimmed coiffure, doing all his slimy chores and miraculously looking and smelling good when they party with him. All for an ambivalent, swinging, free-to-date-many-women-at-the-same-time and selfish primate who only enjoys the show.

 

That is the logic-defying devastations brought about by the scarcity fallacy, further fuelled by the fear of celibacy.

 

Sometimes, it’s not really the guy’s fault that we are not being treated well. Though there are instances that double standards, fear of commitment and polygamy get the better of men, women are also prone to doing ultra-pathetic things that blow a man’s EGO WAY OUT OF PROPORTION. (I should know. Ooops I have done it. One too many times)

 

Few are the wise women who do not fall for the illusion that there is a scarcity of men and they must grab one before stocks run out! And 90% of men take advantage of the situation. Why not? It’s like a freebie you get in malls. Why pay when you can get as many free tastes as you want?

 

Sure, there really are fewer men. The handsome ones are either taken or gay. The remaining half will be divided to non-commiting assholes na pagkatapos kang landiin ng tatlong linggo ay paaasahin ka lang, men who are just after conquests and challenges of courting really good-looking women, maniacs, rapists, psychopaths. And yes, there are the rare ones…the ones we can actually date and have a future with. They exist. Believe. Receive. PRAYYYYYYY that the one you are dating is one such guy.

 

I guess that’s why women are so prone to clamoring for less-than-average Joes who can’t even keep their promises or pursue women properly. The losers are usually brimming with self-confidence, smooth talking women with words they don’t mean but we women would like to hear (beware of the practiced man!). The ones who are few good, gentle and true, sadly, don’t know how to express themselves in a manner that women can appreciate. That’s why the losers have their field day with all these beautiful women.

 

WOMEN JUST COMPROMISE TOO MUCH THESE DAYS, JUST SO THEY WON’T HAVE TO GO HOME EVERYDAY TO FIND AN EMPTY, MATELESS BED. It doesn’t matter if you’re twenty, thirty or forty. We are so prone to making adjustments for men who clearly don’t deserve it. Kaya lumalaki ang ulo ng mga lintek na babaerong yan eh. Kasi iniisip nila marami silang mauuto.

 

When it comes to having a companion plus children and building a family, I am excited. But I am now weighing in my mind if it’s worth settling for a guy who won’t treat me right just to fulfill that dream. SHOULD I LOWER MY STANDARDS JUST BECAUSE NO ONE MEETS THEM AT THIS POINT IN TIME? IT’S LIKE TELLING A CIVIL ENGINEER TO USE CHALK INSTEAD OF CONCRETE FOR THE BUILDING BECAUSE THERE IS NOT MUCH MATERIAL AVAILABLE FOR CONSTRUCTION.

 

Mind you, not all men who hang out with women take them seriously. In fact, they have a ranking system on who gets the one night stand, the only-for-dateless-emergencies button and harmless-flirtation only.

 

They even have these crude terms for you. You’re a lollipop if you have a pretty face but not a pretty body, a SHRIMP if your body is better than your face and a BAROGA (thanks to Marlon for telling me what this means) is your boobs are bigger than your brains.

 

I have yet to see women ranking men in this way: “Ah, yung boyfriend ko ba? Okay naman siya, medyo hipon pero nakakasundo ko naman. Going strong kami.” Or “Ay mare pwede na yan kahit lollipop siya, kasi maginoong bastos naman. ”

 

(If there are BAROGA men, wow, you have to message me. Show me, then I’ll bring a digicam. Hahaha.)

 

WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE? Being single for life, I mean. Since I fell for the scarcity fallacy and made a million wrong decisions before it hit me, I actually find celibacy more plausible these days.

 

I date men to find my true love. But I am no longer sure if it applies to me, that whole concept of dating men to find your true love. It’s not a trial and error thing, you know. It’s not easy to mend a broken heart. And even the most superficial of attachments of women with men can actually pinch off huge chunks of your heart, kahit two weeks lang kayong naging sweet sa isa’t isa.  

 

Ideally, I want a family. But if in case I stay single forever, I intend to adopt abandoned and sexually abused children. And I would devote the rest of my life for that cause. We put such a premium on romance, but love comes in all forms. And we will never be empty or lonely for as long as there are people to love. Millions all over the world commit suicide for the reason that they feel so unloved. If I can’t find a man who can love me right, then I can at least give some more love to the ones who need it the most—the ones who have no shelter, no parents, and stripped of their dignity because of severe exploitation.

 

Anything is possible now, and I intend to be open to whatever life hands me. And enjoy as much of it as possible.

 

Men are only SCARCE because women cultivate the mindset that they are scarce. As a result, LOSERS GET AWAY WITH THE HIDEOUS STUFF THEY DO TO WOMEN. Screw the statistics. Screw the empty bed.

 

I personally find myself complete, just as I am. Imperfect, but aren’t we all? I ask God to bring me a good man among many other things (YES! GOOD MAN, I BELIEVE YOU ARE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.) If He gives one, that’s really awesome. If He doesn’t, that’s STILL COOL. I know I am beautiful, whether or not God gives me a love life. It’s just an icing to the cake.

 

My only job at the moment is to get rid of the fallacies, aim for wellness. And when all else is done….

 

PARTY LIKE CRAZY in gratitude of the fact that IN WHATEVER CIRCUMSTANCE, I AM ESSENTIALLY A BLESSED PERSON.

In about 26 hours, it’s 2009. Much foreboding fills the coming year as the effects of the global economic crisis pose some threats to our already lagging country.

 

I’ve read somewhere that the Dalai Lama believes that world peace won’t be possible without inner peace. I completely agree with him on that.

 

From where I stand, I can’t change the world. I can’t change my family, my friends, my field and my country.

 

But I can bloom where I am planted and change myself. Promote peace within myself. Build positive memories. Take part in new activities. Aim for holistic wellness. Noble as they may sound, they won’t come to pass unless I make the most fundamental change (and this, I can’t entirely do on my own because some divine intervention is imperative to make it last): how I see myself.

 

I recall how my relatives and teachers called me a ‘late bloomer’. I only started excelling in school when I was 15. Short-lived. When I went to college, I became an ordinary person again (because people in UP are waaaayyyy smarter).

 

In so many ways, I came to realize that I truly am a late bloomer. Even in the most crucial matters of my heart and soul, I was at a slow pace of growth.

 

For example, it was only this month that I got acquainted with the concept of self-preservation. Sure. I date some guys, but I didn’t learn much. I only realized recently that I just went through the motions of what people my age were doing. But I wasn’t really individually and personally prepared for it.

 

I thought things through in my solitude and it was only then that I was formally able to say goodbye to the childish aspects of myself and fully embrace my identity as a woman.

 

I AM A WOMAN. That declaration may seem redundant or insignificant to some people. But it meant a lot to me.

 

That statement led to acceptance and inner peace. I realized that the main reason why I had been restless these past few years is because I haven’t really come to sufficient terms with my womanhood.

 

Inside of me, a little girl remained trapped. Much as I was comfortable with how that little girl dealt with things, I am now living in an adult world. And she, the little girl in me, no longer belonged to that world. Resistant to change and immature, the little girl wheedled her way. The comfort zone she had erected kept me from recognizing that I have indeed become stagnated by staying in the same place and responding to my life in the same way since I was 15 years old.

 

When the rest of the world was temporarily shut out, I was finally able to surrender the little girl in me. The woman in me started to rise to the occasion and with her deft hands started take over.

 

There was a time in my life where I considered myself a kaleidoscope – messy but beautiful. Now, I am no longer a kaleidoscope. I’m Eve’s daughter, part of God’s beautiful creation and the namesake of the face that launched a thousand ships.

 

I am no longer the girl who is occasionally dated by stupid morons who likes to call her only at a time convenient to them. I am no longer the confused lady who settle being at the bottom of her beau’s priority list. I am no longer the helpless victim who refused to care and take responsibility for her life.

 

I AM A WOMAN– a woman who aims for her wellness and beautifies herself further, not to get somebody’s approval. But she does that for her personal pleasure and as a form of worship to her Maker. Aware of my worth now, fearfully and wonderfully made.

 

As such, this person now flatly REFUSES, nay, ABHORS indulging people who don’t take her seriously and trick her into eliciting affections that they know they cannot fully reciprocate.

 

I am a woman, fearful of many uncertainties but UNFLINCHING as she feels the spectrum of her emotions.

 

I AM A WOMAN WORTH WAITING, TRAVELLING (and beyond!), AND STANDING OUT IN THE RAIN FOR. I am not a plaything to be put in a hanging, precarious position and dropped like a hot potato at any given time. In case I decide to date somebody, I at least deserve a LOYALTY that withstands even the temptations of white sand beaches and whatever sh*t this world offers men as an alternative fix.

 

I am a woman, a work in progress but complete nonetheless. Comfortable in her own skin, aware of her strengths and weaknesses.

 

It took a long time for me to bloomed. I bloomed in a season here all my peers already have their secret gardens and are concerned about maintaining it.

 

I’ve only just begun. But I don’t mind. I’m running my own race. The seeds have come of age. I’m building my own garden and its sweet scent shall resonate in 2009. Not necessarily for everyone to see, but for my inner peace.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW ME.