In about 26 hours, it’s 2009. Much foreboding fills the coming year as the effects of the global economic crisis pose some threats to our already lagging country.
I’ve read somewhere that the Dalai Lama believes that world peace won’t be possible without inner peace. I completely agree with him on that.
From where I stand, I can’t change the world. I can’t change my family, my friends, my field and my country.
But I can bloom where I am planted and change myself. Promote peace within myself. Build positive memories. Take part in new activities. Aim for holistic wellness. Noble as they may sound, they won’t come to pass unless I make the most fundamental change (and this, I can’t entirely do on my own because some divine intervention is imperative to make it last): how I see myself.
I recall how my relatives and teachers called me a ‘late bloomer’. I only started excelling in school when I was 15. Short-lived. When I went to college, I became an ordinary person again (because people in UP are waaaayyyy smarter).
In so many ways, I came to realize that I truly am a late bloomer. Even in the most crucial matters of my heart and soul, I was at a slow pace of growth.
For example, it was only this month that I got acquainted with the concept of self-preservation. Sure. I date some guys, but I didn’t learn much. I only realized recently that I just went through the motions of what people my age were doing. But I wasn’t really individually and personally prepared for it.
I thought things through in my solitude and it was only then that I was formally able to say goodbye to the childish aspects of myself and fully embrace my identity as a woman.
I AM A WOMAN. That declaration may seem redundant or insignificant to some people. But it meant a lot to me.
That statement led to acceptance and inner peace. I realized that the main reason why I had been restless these past few years is because I haven’t really come to sufficient terms with my womanhood.
Inside of me, a little girl remained trapped. Much as I was comfortable with how that little girl dealt with things, I am now living in an adult world. And she, the little girl in me, no longer belonged to that world. Resistant to change and immature, the little girl wheedled her way. The comfort zone she had erected kept me from recognizing that I have indeed become stagnated by staying in the same place and responding to my life in the same way since I was 15 years old.
When the rest of the world was temporarily shut out, I was finally able to surrender the little girl in me. The woman in me started to rise to the occasion and with her deft hands started take over.
There was a time in my life where I considered myself a kaleidoscope – messy but beautiful. Now, I am no longer a kaleidoscope. I’m Eve’s daughter, part of God’s beautiful creation and the namesake of the face that launched a thousand ships.
I am no longer the girl who is occasionally dated by stupid morons who likes to call her only at a time convenient to them. I am no longer the confused lady who settle being at the bottom of her beau’s priority list. I am no longer the helpless victim who refused to care and take responsibility for her life.
I AM A WOMAN– a woman who aims for her wellness and beautifies herself further, not to get somebody’s approval. But she does that for her personal pleasure and as a form of worship to her Maker. Aware of my worth now, fearfully and wonderfully made.
As such, this person now flatly REFUSES, nay, ABHORS indulging people who don’t take her seriously and trick her into eliciting affections that they know they cannot fully reciprocate.
I am a woman, fearful of many uncertainties but UNFLINCHING as she feels the spectrum of her emotions.
I AM A WOMAN WORTH WAITING, TRAVELLING (and beyond!), AND STANDING OUT IN THE RAIN FOR. I am not a plaything to be put in a hanging, precarious position and dropped like a hot potato at any given time. In case I decide to date somebody, I at least deserve a LOYALTY that withstands even the temptations of white sand beaches and whatever sh*t this world offers men as an alternative fix.
I am a woman, a work in progress but complete nonetheless. Comfortable in her own skin, aware of her strengths and weaknesses.
It took a long time for me to bloomed. I bloomed in a season here all my peers already have their secret gardens and are concerned about maintaining it.
I’ve only just begun. But I don’t mind. I’m running my own race. The seeds have come of age. I’m building my own garden and its sweet scent shall resonate in 2009. Not necessarily for everyone to see, but for my inner peace.
HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW ME.
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